Are you feeling drained after spending time with someone? Is that person makes you feel empty and depressed? You are not alone. We all have people in our immediate surroundings, in our family, at home, and at work who drive us crazy, suck our energy dry, and making us feel terrible. The post will give you specific tools on how to spot toxic people in your life right now.
First, to get things started lets define what does it mean to be a toxic person? According to Web MD article “Signs of Topic Person” A toxic person is anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life.
1. They are unpredictable and inconsistent
Are you feeling confused and uncertain? Are you walking on eggshells, unsure what the person will do or say next? Do you doubt if your sister will show up to your birthday party or what time she will make an appearance? Keep wondering if your manager will make that weekly one-on-one call he sometimes misses? One of the ways toxic people keep you on your toes is to assure you never know what they will do in the next second. You may get a compliment, or you may get a nasty email. You may be invited to an event or blocked on social media for no apparent reason.
2. They always need your attention
Are you constantly getting peppered with text messages, emails, pictures, videos, stories, and such on social media and your devices? Is the person consistently needs to “stay in touch” and get pissed off when you are inaccessible, not available, out of reach, or simply taking some time off?
- They are controlling
Are you getting unsolicited advice about how to run your life? Know it alls, toxic people are full of judgments, opinions, and yes, life advice on any imaginable topic. They live vicariously through your experience and thrive on knowing and controlling every aspect of your life.
4. They lie, complain, and make up excuses
Toxic folks avoid personal responsibility at all costs. It is always the boyfriend, the boss, the government, the traffic, the weather, the terrible circumstances, and any and all external factors to blame for their poor fate. They are the victims of life. Life happens to them.
5. They are gossip pros
“What did she do? What did he say?..” If you meet someone who loves to talk about other people, have no doubt, this is a topic persona. Pouring judgments and bile on unsuspecting victims is fun and enjoyable to them.
- They manipulate others
Are you being played into or doing something you really did not want to do on a regular basis? Toxic folks are masters of the guilt game. They have a hidden agenda to leverage you and will do what it takes to get what they want by making you feel terrible.
7. They are drama magnets
Since toxic people LOVE attention, they will do anything possible to get it. It might sound crazy, but do you know a person who continually has severe problems in their life? They frequently move in, move out, change jobs, get fired, change boyfriends, get worked up about something with friends, hate their manager, get abused by a parent, or somehow get involved with the wrong crowd? There is always something going on in their life that requires your time and attention. It will never be your turn to get support from them, since they always in the midst of yet another crisis.
8. They are verbally and emotionally abusive
In many cases, after dealing with a toxic person, you may feel upset, used, or taken advantage of. You know they hurt you, and they know it too. They may use foul language, raise their voice, say hurtful things, and use your vulnerability against you. Toxic people frequently become emotionally and verbally abusive but rarely admit their fault or apologize.
9. They do not take “no” for an answer
Toxic people hate boundaries or limitations. They realize personal boundaries limits their power and access to your and your life. A toxic person will have a fit when you even attempt to distance, move away emotionally, or say “no” to their tactics. These people are used to get their way no matter what the price is, what it takes, or how that makes you feel.
10.They are jealous and judgmental
Are you playing small talking to a friend? Are you making up stories, lying or downplaying your accomplishments not to upset someone? Rest assured, there is a toxic person in your surroundings who who thrives on your fears of soring big and high. Remember, you will never get praise or support from someone who is here to TAKE from you. They will never give back the attention you give them.
we all can exhibit some toxic behaviors at times of stress, uncertainty, or emotional volatility. That said, there are people around us who thrive at keeping us drained, small, powerless, and confused at all times. In many instances, a toxic person is so used to their behavioral pattern that it becomes part of their personality. In our next post, we will explore the solutions to toxic people and how carefully remove yourself from toxic person-victim patterns of behavior and find fulfillment in your relationships with others.